FAMILY MATTERS 

Part Four: communication June 28, 2026 

Today, I am going to teach you the four rules of communication from Ephesians chapter four.  Paul gave us these rules to maintain peace and unity in the church (Colossians 3:12-17), but these rules can be applied by anyone, in any environment or situation, to resolve problems and build strong relationships. 

The Four Rules of Communication – Ephesians 4:25-32 

Rule #1: Be Honest   

“So stop telling lies.  Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.” (Ephesians 4:25, NLT)  

What kind of lies do people tell? 

• Outright lie  

• Half-truth  

• Silent treatment  

• Exaggeration  

• Compliance  

• Body language  

Lying is withholding and/or distorting the truth.  You are dishonest when you say anything that isn’t the whole truth and nothing but the truth.   

Why does Paul tell us to stop lying? 

• Dishonest communication results in distrust!     

People talk a lot about the importance of love in marriage, but love isn’t the glue that holds marriages together.  Trust is the glue that holds marriages together.  It is impossible to love someone you don’t trust.   

How do you become an honest person? 

• You align your thinking with the truth found in the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16-17).   

Rule #2: Keep Current 

“And don’t sin by letting anger control you.  Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”  (Ephesians 4:26–27, NLT)  

• Paul tells us to settle our disagreements ASAP.  

Three negative things happen when you don’t settle disagreements quickly.  One, you remain angry.  Two, you get bitter (Hebrews 12:15).  Three, Satan tempts you to say and do hurtful things that tear apart your relationships. 

Rule #3: Attack the problem – not the person  

“If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good, hard work, and then give generously to others in need.  Don’t use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live.  Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:28–30, NLT)  

It may look like Paul shifted his train of thought from communication to stealing, but he was just using stealing as an example of how not to deal with a problem.  Stealing is not a good way to feed your family; likewise, using hurtful words to demean a person is not a good way to solve a problem.   

Why do we attack people instead of the problem? 

• It’s easier   

It is much easier to label your spouse as “The Problem” than it is to try to solve the real problem that is hurting your relationship.  Solving the real problem is difficult.  It takes time and effort.  It is much easier to say your mate is “The Problem” and divorce them.  

Paul says we have two choices when a problem arises.  We can use destructive communication to tear the person down, or constructive communication to solve the problem.  If we choose option one, we will make things worse.  If we choose option two, we will solve the problem and strengthen the relationship.   

Rule #4: Act – Don’t React  

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”  (Ephesians 4:31–32, NLT)  

• Most of our world communicates reactively. 

Reactive communication is speaking in the same manner as people speak to you.  If someone compliments you, you compliment them.  And, if someone insults you, you insult them.  When you’re humiliated, taken advantage of, or hurt, you look around for someone to humiliate, take advantage of, and hurt.  But causing someone pain does not make you feel better; it makes you feel worse. 

How did Jesus communicate? 

1.  Jesus thought before he spoke (Proverbs 15:1-2; 28).   

2.  Jesus controlled his anger (Proverbs 14:17, 29).   

3.  Jesus chose to forgive rather than retaliate.   

Jesus was verbally and physically abused during his life on earth.  He had every reason to be angry and get bitter, but Jesus chose to forgive rather than retaliate (Luke 23:34). 

The four rules of communication are: be honest, keep current, attack the problem, and act like Jesus.  These four rules (when mastered) will help you solve problems and cut a great deal of stress out of your home.  I encourage you to learn, practice, and then share these rules with others.